The other day I saw an article on television that was showing how people in China could choose a particular coffin they wanted to be buried in. The twist here was that the coffin could be in any shape whatsoever. If you enjoyed playing the violin in life, you could have a coffin in the shape of a violin. On the other hand, if you enjoyed going to the temple, you could have a coffin in the shape of a temple. Perhaps you were an animal lover. In that situation, you might have one built in the shape of a dog or cat or any other animal, including an alligator! They could have their coffin designed in the shape of a guitar, a sports car, or any other crazy shape they could dream up. That way you would know something about the person just by looking at the design of their coffin.
That got me thinking about an appropriate new line of coffins we could have here in the United States. The coffin shape would tell us something about that person, and what they died from. Americans seem intent on ending their days as soon as possible with the diet they choose to eat. They cast fate to the wind with the myriad of things they feel are appropriate to shove down their throats. Cancer, no problem. Heart attack, still no problem. Stroke, who cares. And to top it off it’s always nice to light up a smoke after a good meal.
We could have a coffin in the shape of the triple bacon cheeseburger, or to go along with that, we could have a coffin in the shape of a clogged artery. We could also have one in the shape of a hot dog bun. That one would be easy to carry by the little handles along the sides. That coffin would let us know that the person died from eating all of those nitrates, pesticide residues, and hormones.
Some other interesting shapes that come to mind are two french fries laid out in the shape of a cross. Another design could be in the shape of a bottle of prescription drugs. It could be somewhat cozy being laid out in that wad of soft white cotton at the top of the bottle. That one would let us know that that person was one of those 100,000 people or more that die each year from the prescription drugs given to them by their doctors. How about coffins in the shape of a six pack of beer. Perhaps six people could be buried in that one. Or maybe one that looked like a car that was completely totaled by someone who drank that six pack of beer before driving.
Of course, another popular shape would be that of a pack of cigarettes. I guess in this case you could double up like in the case of the six pack of beer. This time though, you could bury 20 people in the same coffin. Surely there will be 20 available smokers who will have need for that coffin soon enough, thereby saving lots of space and burial costs. We could also have coffins in the shape of a couch or perhaps a TV wand, letting us know right away that the person did not get enough exercise.
I think a comfortable coffin might be an extra-large extra thick crust meatsa meatsa pizza covered with soft warm cheese. Wait a minute, that might be a good coffin to end up in, come to think of it. Let me ask you this. What shape of coffin will you have? Think about it.
If you’d like me to speak to your organization or group.
